The Rules Of Working in Retail

Rule #1: Nothing in the store operates on logic

Rule #2: Learn to act as if you have ADD.  You will not be allowed to finish a project before you’re asked to start 1,000,081 more.  It’s better to devote an entire day towards finishing a project in tiny bits and pieces that would otherwise take ten minutes. Because it’s so important to dust lint off shelves.

Rule #3: You are stupid.  The most intoxicated, slurring, trailer trash, dumbass customers will come in and let you know how stupid you are.  They will treat you like a door mat.  They don’t know that you have parts of Shakespeare and Tennyson memorized, or that you know that these foodstamp fucks look just like Australopithicus with missing teeth.  All they know is you’re an idiot because you work in retail.

Rule#4: You do not deserve courtesy.  If you are anything but a straight white thin cis male, accept the open racism, sexism, or prejudice, because you work here.  Once within the store doors, this shit somehow becomes acceptable.

Rule #5:  Don’t ask a customer if they want a bag!  They will use it as another way to remind you of Rule #3!  Just decide for them, they won’t notice, they’re too busy talking about their cheating husband on the phone.

Rule#6: If something appears in your co-worker’s cart, you put it there.  It doesn’t matter if you were across the store at the time.  She didn’t see anyone else put it there, so it must have been you.